I can’t remember the last time I was this sick. I felt it coming on Wednesday night while I was in class, but I felt a bit better on Thursday morning. By 5:00 on Thursday night, though, I was fully taken over. I don’t have a thermometer that works, but my fever was high enough that I couldn’t get warm. I stayed home from work yesterday, and slept until noon. I emerged from the bedroom a couple times for food, but mostly watched Mozart in the Jungle on Amazon Prime the rest of the day. As an amateur classical pianist, it managed to hold my attention. I couldn’t do much else.
There’s something about vision that people don’t seem to talk about. I expected that when I received a vision for my life it would be grand and detailed and all the details would be spelled out. But the vision I’m catching isn’t overt or spoken from the sky. There hasn’t been a big booming voice describing the purpose of my life these last two weeks. There is simply a trend emerging that keeps pointing and nudging me in a certain direction. I don’t exactly know where I’m going, but I’m seeing small pieces off it; teaching in a seminar, setting an example for non-profit leadership, re-organizing business structures, helping others to catch their entrepreneurial dreams.
Saturday’s are, by far, the most productive personal days of the week… On a good week. Today was a good week! I woke up at 7:30, showered, and met my best friend for coffee at a French cafe down the street from my house. My hair was still wet, but I was surprisingly pleased with the messy bun I managed to pull off. Actually, it looked a bit like roadkill that someone pinned to the top of my head. #kidsthesedays
Paralyzed. I don’t know how else to describe the days I’ve spent this past week after declaring my plans to branch out with my own business. It feels like failure before I’ve even begun! I know exactly what steps I need to take, and I haven’t even leaned in those directions. Every reason I have is an excuse… and they’re all full of fear.
“When Dorothy pointed out a problem, she also offered several solutions, and she always showed up when it was time to do the hard work of implementation” (Jennings & Stahl-Wert, 2004, p. 25).
This is bullshit! was my exact thought. My eyes narrowed as I read the lines again. I was simultaneously enthralled and furious.