Keep Calm and Color On

 Work was Monday. I met with the HR manager in the afternoon and let her know I’m looking for another position. I’ve talked to her a few times before about the roadblocks I’ve faced at work, so she wasn’t surprised. She’s very grounded, and even-keel by nature, so talking to her felt more like talking to a friend. She’s going to keep the news to herself until it’s more serious. I told her I’m not just looking for anything, so it could take some time. The only reason I went to her this soon was because I’ve applied with the staffing agency that she uses, and I didn’t want there to be any conflict of interest. She said there wouldn’t be any problem. They’ll treat me well and find me a good place.

She has no idea how good.

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We sat at a picnic table in the park. Across from us, the decision makers. Next to me, he waited to hear what they had to say. He broke the rules. Would it cost him a home? I waited to see if my son would still be mine, or if he would be lost in a system.

“We want him to stay with you,” the decision maker smiled. I pulled my child close to me and whispered something loving in his ear. He smiled with relief. He was finally home.

I can hardly believe that I had a dream about adoption. I haven’t dreamt of babies or being pregnant for over a year, but I’ve never [literally] dreamed of adopting.

We went to my 92-year old great grandmother’s Christmas party last night. The house was full of second and third cousins, and cousins my grandparents adopted into our family when they were pastors. Family that’s always been family without a need for blood relationship. 

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Just Keep Painting

A friend of mine invited me to a paint night tonight, so I got to continue my experimentation with colors. I’d say it turned out pretty good for never having used acrylic paints; or painting anything on a blank canvas other than a wall… Ever. It was good to be with my friends, and the instructor was very positive. I think the whole night might have been worth her few complimentary comments. It made me realize just how starved I am for words of affirmation. It’s never been a particular love language of mine, but we all speak all the languages of love in varying degrees. It felt like no one had paid me a compliment in months. I’m sure that’s not true, but the sadness and relief of hearing just her few nice comments made my whole day.

It’s Working

I completed another page from Johanna Basord’s Secret Garden coloring book last night. I started it at my mom’s over Thanksgiving by applying a light pink “wash” over the whole page so the background wouldn’t be plain white. I’m happy with the result. I’m not a water color genius, but it looks better than the average bear. My creative, INFJ side can  breathe a bit easier.

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