Well, this week just goes to show you… no matter how insane you think your life is, it can always get more crazy. Thankfully, I was actually about to do something about the extra crazy at the end of the week. A lot of somethings, really. It was like a breath of fresh air. “Ah… I can actually make a positive difference in this situation.” Everything else has really just been out-of-the-ordinary happenings with no resolutions or opportunities to have a positive impact. This situation provided the opportunity for me to do something with all the things I’m good for – availability, reliability, flexibility, and responsibility.
I’m not much into astrology, but I was reading about my sign today and it said the Taurus fiercely holds onto its position or opinion because it fears change. Now, I’ll agree that I’m obstinate and decisive, but I’m not so sure it’s because I want my little piece of the world to stay the same. I usually love change, especially if it makes a process more efficient… Actually, only if it makes something more efficient… Okay, yes, I hate change if it makes my life more complicated than it needs to be.
But then there are times in life when change runs rampant and I can hardly keep up with how different my little world has become. I guess I don’t mind those times so much. Life needs a good shake every now and then to be sure all the players are still awake, including me.
- I have Sheri Youngward’s Scripture Songs album on permanent repeat in my car right now. It’s like a shot of Calm right to the heart.
- Listening to Believers talk about real relationship with God. Our house church is awesome for that; so is The Free Believers Network podcast.
- Sitting in a quiet place outside. No talking, no electronics, just de-compressing.
In the spirit of my latest enlightening thought of “not everyone is the same” (deep, I know), I’d like to throw out a disclaimer. This list is not absolute. It might not work for everyone… In fact, I’m sure it won’t. You know what? Git yer own list! This one’s mine. It’s called “self-soothing” because it’s supposed to calm your self, not my self. Good luck with that!
[Viktor Frankl is thought to have coined the term Sunday neurosis. The term refers to a form of anxiety resulting from an awareness in some people of the emptiness of their lives once the working week is over. Some complain of a void and a vague discontent.This arises from an existential vacuum, or feeling of meaninglessness, which is a common phenomenon and is characterised by the subjective state of boredom, apathy, and emptiness. One feels cynical, lacks direction and questions the point of most of life’s activities.
I came across this idea on p. 56 of the Storyline workbook by Donald Miller. Although I seem to be doing better today, (I even cleaned our apartment, which was beginning to take on grimy as a descriptor. Nevermind that I cursed the stove for whatever caked-on grime managed to stab me under my thumbnail while I was scrubbing away. I’m fine.) I still have a bit of this existential vacuum nonsense to deal with.
The fact that my present story is not comprised of the stuff of legends is a bit sad, but not exactly depressing. I’m just not exactly sure what I should do with the idea that the world is my oyster. I’m not sure I ever really figured that out. I think I just kept waiting for it to come to me. I’m wondering now if I just need to reach out and grab something. The problem with that, though, is that then I will have chosen my life’s ambition. If I hate it, I will have only myself to blame. If I love it, I’ll get a big ol’ head about how awesome I am at making big life decisions. See how much easier it would be if my life’s purpose would just happen to me?
Okay, so let’s say I don’t choose and life goal and it doesn’t just happen to me… not for many many years. What do I do in the meantime? Practice what I know? Master anything? (Seriously, I feel like such a renaissance, jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none sometimes it makes me want to roll my eyes. Commit already! Especially now that you’ve definitely crossed over into your late 20’s; there’s no denying that now.) Psychology? Medicine? Accounting? Real Estate? Figure it out, Jack!
I’m not very passionate about any of those things really. Interested, but not passionate. I am passionate about fixing, especially business processes. I could do that all day every day! Don’t ask me to maintain the process once I’ve fixed it, for God’s sake (testing is different – every new process needs testing). I’ll lose my bananas if you make me maintain it!! (Is that the right use of that expression?) But organizing something to the epitome of efficiency makes my world go ’round.
There it is. Anyone have a job for me?
Reading back through my first post, I seem to come off as a bit of a sad, dependent, boring individual. Reminds me of the months I spent in Washington. I moved seven times in one year a few years ago. Everywhere I went, I had another first impression to make. I was mistook as a woman in need of saving, a witty intellectual, and an irresponsible roommate. None of those impressions really define the whole of who I am, but that is the sum total of my personality as known to a few individuals a thousand miles away.
I’m sure I wasn’t much of an inspiration to those I impressed. By the time I left Washington, I was completely exhausted with being misunderstood. Hardly anyone I met or talked to wanted to take the time to know more than one piece of me.
Interesting, it seems we like to do the same thing in our interactions with God. Our first or second impressions seem to be the things we cling to and we seem to be disappointed every time He doesn’t repeat the instances when He healed us or protected us or told us that He loves us right when we needed it. God isn’t fair. Thank God for that! If we always got what we deserved, we would be a sorry lot!