How to Make Money with a Mess

 

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FRIENDS | “The One with the Dirty Girl”

I feel like I’ve been handed something I thought would take years to accomplish. Part of me is irritated that I didn’t pursue a management position years ago when it became clear that I was built for leadership. But I can’t throw away the last 8 years of work. I learned a lot about human nature. That has to be worth something.

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Professional Whiplash

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My last day at my job of five years was June 10th. My first day at the architectural and engineering firm that claimed to love me was June 13th. Last Wednesday, July 27th, I had a feeling that I should call up my friend to catch up. Between my classes sucking up every spare molecule of brain function and willpower and her parents needing help moving from their decades-long residence, neither of us had found the time to connect lately. 

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I Am an Administrator

I didn’t marry a man named Spike just to throw my mother for a loop.

After the first decade of my adult life, I recognized a natural strength in Spike that could balance the natural strength I found in myself. After playing the role of the strong, decisive, manager of every relationship I had ever developed, I met my match; someone I could flex my strength and my opinion to the nth degree and still feel feminine.

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Here we are again. Just a little reminder that depression is still hanging around, waiting for an opportunity to pull us down. It’s harder when Spike and I are both fighting it. Neither of us has any positive energy.

Thankfully we still coo over each other and snuggle and issue kisses, but that’s all we can offer when we’re like this. And it’s enough. I know he loves me. He knows I’m here. We don’t know what we want or what sounds good or what to do, but we love each other. We sleep, we work, we study, we attempt to maintain a healthy diet and keep the house from falling apart… But this weight is always here, pushing both of us into the mud. No matter if good things happen or problems are resolved, it’s always there – like a force.

Sleep brings rest from the fight. I should take more naps.

There’s Things Happenin’

My words are caput, but here’s an update:

  • Handed in my notice on Friday. I start a new job on the 13th.
  • Took in a friend’s three-year-old dog – a yellow lab – on Saturday. Looks like we may be adopting him.
  • Bought a yoga mat. Tabletop position doesn’t hurt my knees now. (Started yoga at home last week.)
  • Started two, fast-paced, six-week classes last week. Already. Cannot. Write.

I’m sure I’ll have an emotional meltdown when the reality of all the updates hit me. Looking forward to that post!